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The shit shoe
So this one time at my school, there was this one kid, let’s call him Tim. The PE teacher was an ok guy but to Tim, well, Tim hated him. So one day, mid-March, he takes a shoe, and takes a massive shit in the shoe. To this day, we don’t know who’s shoe it was. But, he takes this shit filled shoe and throws it at the teachers office door (all teachers at my school have an office outside their room?) and then fuckin books it outta there. What happened to Tim you might ask? Just two days of in school suspension for throwing a shoe full of human shit at an office door. How he got found out is still a mystery but for now, that’s all you need to know.
Yesterday i lost my glasses. And decided to document my frustration until……… I really wish this was planned, but i gotta admit, I took a big L.
“[defeated tone] So… I have…. lost my glasses. And I’m afraid to leave my bed because I can’t see… and I fear I might step on my glasses. So I’m sitting here with my bee pillow pet… and I don’t know what to do.
I need to get up. I wanna get food. I gotta exfoliate and moisturize, cause my skin looking atrocious right now.
What if… [deep breath] What if I die here, y’all? Would anyone even miss me?Like, really?
I want Enrique Iglesias to come save me. Like, the ceiling opens up and like, he comes down from like, a heavenly cloud with my glasses, and he’s singing. [imitating Enrique Iglesias] ‘Would you dance? If I asked you to dance? I will be your hero baby!’ And I just take my glasses and I’m like ‘Thanks yo! Put a shirt on homie!’
But life, life don’t work… life… [prolonged silence]
[camera zooms in on glasses]
[long silence; light chuckle] Enrique…”
This should win an Oscar
A Letter For Mark
5/14/18
This is Mark,
Mark’s nickname is Mak-Mak.
Mark likes most animals but one,
Mark doesn’t like chickens, He’s afraid of them.
Mark had an accident with one of them back then.
Mark is stupid,
Mark would sometimes bully someone without knowing,
Mark would say “sorry.” later on so
Mark is not stupid.
Mark knows it when enough is enough.
Mark knows when someone is upset.
Mark would ask them what’s wrong and give them advice.
Mark likes it when everyone is happy so
Mark would try his best to make everyone laugh,
even if it could make him look like a fool.
Mark would also try his best to make everyone see him as more than that.
Mark loves everyone,
Everyone loves Mark.
We support your choice on being more than just a jest,
We just wish you’ll never change
Because we would miss your goofy nature,
Your stupid yet funny jokes,
Your good advises and comforting hugs because
Mark loves everyone
That’s why everyone loves Mark
Alright so I’m gonna tell you guys a story of mine that I should never tell to anyone but meh I’m bored
So back in 3rd grade I will be the person that people would let their secrets out Seems good because I’m the quitest one in the whole class and never talk unless my elders ask questions
One time my classmate Cj sit beside me during recess and we’re in the classroom because the canteen is all cramped and we’re like the only person there
He told me a secret that I’m so shocked I almost spill my grape juice out of my mouth
But before I tell you what he told to me
I’m gonna tell where it all begins:
One time my hot-headed classmate Nava found a BOOGER IN HIS HAIR
He only noticed it when one of my classmates Kc said “EW NAVA YOU GOT A BOOGER IN YOUR HAIR DISGUSTING!!!”
and nava was like screaming for our teacher to get it off and our teacher need to look for a pencil to get it off
And mind you she was so disgusted too
Then she threw the booger WITH the pencil
After the little commotion nava blamed one of the kid who’s good at arts that is quite my friend, Kevin
Nava blamed Kevin because he’s one of the most disgusting in our class
And its true
Kevin always bite his nails off even though they’re dirty
Then after that the whole class blamed kevin because of the booger
And I kinda felt bad for him but I did not pick sides
But after all of that Cj went to me and tell me his little juicy secret
He’s the one who put the booger in Nava’s hair and its his
And I kinda backed away from him and he just chuckled and told me to keep it a secret
But to revenge my good friend that never did anything wrong and being blamed for something he never really did in the 1st place
I’m gonna post it here
Sorry Kevs but I’ll do this for ye because we’re both quite good at arts
K bye
See I’ve seen like 600 variations of this meme and I gotta tell you a Story.
The year is 2012. It’s Christmas. It’s the first year my sister and I are both home from college, and we’re feeling kind of nostalgic, so we take out the old family photo albums to remember everyone from times past. We’re all on the couch or the floor with hot chocolate and the Dog is curled up under the tree. It’s all very Norman Rockwell.
We’re going through my Mom’s side of the family, laughing at the pictures of Grandma putting wrapping paper on the dog, and grandpa pulling faces at the camera, when we find an old brown envelope.
“The fuck? says my sister, because she’s been in to Great-Aunt Liz’s Rumballs, and I open the envelope. Inside are four tickets to the titanic, unused, and Mom tells us the story of how her ancestors ALMOST came over on the Titanic, but Great-Aunt Liz got the measles and forced everyone into quarantine, thus saving their lives.
The OTHER thing in the envelope are seven Photographs, dated 1890. They are of my Great-Great Grandmother.
They are nudes.
They are NOT tasteful nudes.
Like, these are Violating-Terms-Of-Service-On-Most-Platforms- OBSCENE.
GGG had these taken waaaaay back in ye olden days, in order to convince her wayward husband to move back to England after he ditched her to party it up in Chicago.
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW FUCKING HARD WE LAUGHED. Like, I think I passed out I was laughing so hard.
So yes, people have ALWAYS been like this, and your nudes will make for a hilarious family Christmas someday.
loved this story
aphciel